The "experts"
February 25 Girls are one of my favorite subjects, I love them! I'm really not sure why or where it came from, but I've never been one of those girls who says things like, "I only have guy friends" or, "girls are bitches" I have never had big problems with girls. Not to say I don't love guys, I LOVE guys also, but with women I can just relate much better, I am also fascinated by women's beauty and lives, their are not many women out there in the world that can make me feel strong dislike towards them. I am also extremely forgiving and can be talked into coming around on just about anything, including unthinkable, "unforgivable" things. I think I inherited this from my mother, I noticed that she's very good with women and finds it easy to speak with just about anyone.
I am not sure why I am prefacing this entry with the above paragraph, because it isn't really what this is about, it just seemed natural to let you know that about me before spilling any of my opinions.
I've noticed that the freedom of blogging has opened up so many opportunities for women and men to speak freely and gain fans and followers, if you have a personality, talent, plus connections to people who already have followers you have a whole lot to gain. Mostly I find this to be a great thing, it is really cool that we can all connect so easily and people have the opportunity to follow and chat with someone they admire and respect, while before the late 90's, well known or famous people were virtually untouchable.
While I do enjoy this connection I have to say I am saddened by some things this allows, I've noticed many women grow and become big in the blogging world and their rants, stories and problems, over time and gained popularity, seem to become more like "advice" for young women reading or aspiring to be like them. This includes very, very young girls from all walks of life, many looking for escape routes from lives they don't find particularly pleasant.
This seems so dangerous to me, so much advice from women who might not know themselves, who might also be lost and heading down dangerous roads, speaking (loudly) as experts!
Sex advice, diet advice, relationship advice, "thinsperation", dishing and dishing about their love lives and heart break and diving deeply into the patience and admiration of their followers. It feels good for these bloggers to be heard, it feels good to be noticed and listened to, but that does not create an expert.
One thing I've noticed recently is the advice dished out about dealing with men and relationships, not only from the non-expert bloggers, but also from magazines and journals the world over.
As I have gotten older I have come to realize that in my life there is no divide between men and women, that women can be as cruel to men as men are to women and to each other, I've seen that men can also be as emotional, as interested in fashion, poetry, writing, love and things we associate mostly in the media as feminine. In my early twenties I remember feeling so angry at men, blaming them for bad relationships and hurtful memories, bad sexual experiences and big fights. Shaking my finger at ex boyfriends as if to say, "You messed up!" Magazines reinforced this attitude, books like "Men are from Mars..." made it easier to believe that, behold, I was right to think men were all the same, they were going to hurt us and we had to develop a tough skin and "learn about men" and men are taught that we are "emotional" and they will have to deal with these women or find certain "types" to have a relationship.
Looking back I wish someone, an expert, had said to me that every single human is so different in so many ways, and not to hold pretenses for anyone. It would have helped so much not to go into relationship after relationship blaming each new guy for the things the last guy did or said. In my life I have seen that each individual, girl or guy, are completely different.
I strive not to offend anyone on this blog, although I do realize fashion is a tricky and often offensive genre, I try very hard to be myself without hurting anyone's feelings, naturally though, this blog will always reflect my tastes and opinions, I hope if and when I offend, you can try to see me as a person and forgive those faults in my as I would you.
I am always reluctant to give advice on my personal tumblr and on Ilovewildfox, I am not an expert on love or relationships or men, I did not study psychology or women or men, I don't have a degree!
Even my fashion advice should be taken with a grain of salt because everybody is different, every single one of us has our own paths to take, and I'll be damned before I give a young girl advice that doesn't suit her life!
To young people and old people and middle aged people alike, be weary of what you read and be careful not let things effect you too deeply, beauty standards, emotional standards, sexual standards are different for everyone. Everyone finds different things difficult or beautiful, and for that we should be singing!
I am 28 years old, I will be 29 next week and I can't wait to meet many more incredible, unique individuals who will challenge my beliefs and bring all sorts of new experiences, boy or girl, neither right or wrong, will probably change my mind about everything all over again.
My non-expert, non harmful advice ; Love the people around you for who they are, don't expect people to be different or the same, don't hold men and women to standards, don't make lists of what you want from friends or lovers, be open, be honest, and use the pain in your lives to grow, don't be cruel to people, listen to everyone, try to understand perspectives, be patient with me and each other :)
XOXO
experts, kimberley gordon, personal, story
Reader Comments (24)
Wow.
This post is truely beautiful. It's very easy to get lost in these advices, absolutely.
It seems like you are talking about the 'bad sides' of these connection possibilities.
I feel the same way about social media, like Facebook. There's so much pressure.
Thank you for this, you seem like a wonderful person.
you have made my day and I am still in bed!
Wow, well said. Also what one puts out onto the internet, into the public realm may be completely different than the life one actually has... One only shows what they want to show. Thank you for your constant inspiration, this is one of my favorite blogs. x
Brilliant, I really agree with the points you raised in that, so lovely and refreshing to be checking my favourite style blog, and see some deep, sincere writing. Thank you Kimberley.
I really like this post. I like how it describes that everone is different in there own fantastic way. I will definatly be taking away insightful thoughts from this post. Thanks for sharing!!!
http://etantmoi.blogspot.com/
http://etantmoi.blogspot.com/
http://etantmoi.blogspot.com/
Amazing
Yes! This is why yours is by far my favorite fashion blog - you find beauty in everyone, and your philosophy on life seems to shine through. I think the blog trend is really dangerous, especially because dieting advice seems to pop up everywhere. In Norway especially blogging is HUGE, and there are 14-year-old girls with sophisticated style posts and dieting tips that have thousands of visitors daily... I personally know many young girls whose lives consist of nothing but dieting, even though they have perfect figures. While I love blogs for their daily inspiration, they can be so harmful to people who are maybe struggling with their self-image because bloggers are so accessible, personal and easy to idolize, and a lot of them LOVE giving tips to their readers on how to become like them.
What I really wanted to say though, was THANK YOU and great post! What's really important to remember is that we're all different and complex individuals, each with his or her own faults and talents. You reminded me again why I check ilovewildfox daily. :)
So well said!
xxx dj
nailed it. i wish every person that considers themselves a "blogger" could read this. awesome job kim.
Very well said!
Beautiful post kimberly! I love How inspiring this is, your perspective is great. Keep up the amazing blog it is inspiring to be able to have insight from an amazing artist such as yourself.
totally agree with you. although it's not everyone's thoughts and getting inspired by people could change a person but i think the most important thing is to ask "what do I think?" in the end.
http://dontthinkjustfeel-yuka.blogspot.com/
just WOW! x
i am such a big fan of the wildfox brand and this blog and this post and everything it stands for has made me even more a fan of everything wildfox well said so true I really hope people read that and think twice keep up the amazing work xxx Vist my blog- a fox that meows
You have truly my favorite fashion blog. And now I know a little bit more about you.
You are truly a good blogger and a good person. I'm eighteen and from Sweden, my life is pretty mest up because of all the presure from magasine and TV.
This thing you had written now have maked me think, and also helpt me reaulise that
fashion don't have to be "thin legs and prettie faces". I'ts more then that.
Sorry for my bad english, I hope you can understand anyway. Well THANKS for making me fell a little bit better about myself
XOXO
Matilda
Well said! I wholeheartedly agree! I hope lots and lots of people read this.
Really well written! I´m from Sweden and I can so agree!
And i think that it's so important that people like you, who have a great and worldwide blog, write about those things.
Love you blog btw:)
http://xiio.blogg.se/
I agree with all of the above statements. Kim, you definitely have a way with words that I feel could be very hard to intemperate as offensive.
Recently I'm beginning to notice a more "In your face" approach that I feel many bloggers use.. perhaps accidentally, but intense none the less.
I know that I can come to your blog and feel enlightened and inspired, without feeling like I've been hit in the tummy by a materialistic bomb.
It's hard not to see that you are a genuine person through your blog, and that's what makes Wildfox special.
It's so refreshing to see someone put forth a well-balanced and considered assessment of the way bloggers can end up as role-models or mentors. Some of the confessions, advice and ways of thinking I've seen represented on Tumblr scare me, and I'm 25! It's lovely that you're so sweet and thoughtful, but at the same time honest and serious about some of the more dangerous aspects of online connectivity. Stay sweet xo
Kimberley, slightly un-related but I appreciate your views on the whole blogging sphere. I'm 30 and have wanted to start a blog for ages, but due to procastination etc I have put it off for too long. Is 30 too old to start fashion blogging. In my head Im still 22 anyway, but it just seems everyone is so young nowadays. I do know the answer my to question and that is of course its not too old but was wondering your opinion. Thanks x
Kimberley,
I can say from the perspective of a 20 year old girl that I am very grateful for your blog and your appreciation for beauty that has no silly standards or prerequisites. I never know what to expect when I check your blog! And it's so wonderful! I wish I could go back in time and spend my teens looking at POSITIVE sites like yours or rookiemag, not the stupid, horrible, toxic thinspiration websites. I think there's also something refreshing about your blog; it's not a blog for posing. When I was younger the internet wasn't at all helpful, when I felt a little lost I'd just go on blogs and depress myself about how 'cool' other people's lives looked. If I could have just seen this site, seen your enthusiasm, but also your down to earthness, maybe done some inspiration homework, I might have been a lot happier!
One other thing, I love how you're not scared to post photos of skinny girls! There's nothing wrong with it! If they are healthy, happy we would be so blinkered and stupid to not see it as beautiful.
Do you ever go on thelingerieaddict.tumblr.com? I think you would like it, and the author Treacle. She and you are on exactly the same page about beauty and hating 'body snark'!
All in all Kimberley, your positive attitude shines through and your blog is a HAPPY place!
Bisous! Katie xx
I like the way you write, very well said :) keep it up :D
word.
I actually really really loved your post!